What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
