maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
