I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
