they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
