god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize