I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
