i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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