i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
