I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize