i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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