Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
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