He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize