Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
