My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I seem to have left my pride at pride
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
