I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
