Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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