Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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