so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
