How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
She said her name was "party"
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
