The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Randomize
