I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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