Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize