I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
