I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
