just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
