I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
that is very illegal...i love you.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
