I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
