There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
ok first of all what the fuck
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
