and she was petting her beer can
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
