I accidentally had phone sex last night
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
