Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
