True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
