You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
