Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
