She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
