The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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