im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
