3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
