Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize