I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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