it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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