Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
