ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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