Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Holy sore nipples Batman
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
