I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize