So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
how drunk are you?
Several
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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