Are we in a gay sports bar?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
