Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
