some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
