But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize