I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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