i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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