AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Randomize
