The maid of honor just puked.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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