woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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