And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize