I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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