I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
