One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I think my moral compass just broke
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