well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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