I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
