My nipple is on Facebook.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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