I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
