i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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